Just when you think you understand yourself, along comes another curveball. Fat people have the reputation of having cheery personalities, by and large. And we all know that it takes a lot of emotion-swallowing to do that. Paste that smile on your face! Do what you have to so that everyone else is taken care of and content! Be a people-pleaser, because many people see no reason to have a fat person around and ya gotta give them one, even if itís just because the fat person will be jolly.
My recent focus has been on not swallowing my emotions. Needless to say, I havenít been comfortable. But whatís amazed me the most is that Iím acting differently! Iím not smiling as much or telling jokes. Iím not asking people how they are. Itís not that I donít care, itís that I donít feel like being cheerful and involved. I donít want to get involved in their emotions, as Iím having enough trouble with my own.
A personality change? Nope! For the first time [perhaps] just being myself, without the people-pleaser persona. And Iím actually cranky! Edgy. Tense. Not relaxed. Not the go-with-the-flow type Iíd always thought I was. And Iím speaking up rather than accepting the unacceptable. I always figured no one would want me around if I wasnít happy happy happy. The truth is, they want me around anyway. Even a bit cranky.
The unexpected result: no munchies. No cravings. In fact, I fell asleep without eating last night [and have been paying for it today, but thatís ok].
Now, I have to figure out just who this person is and what she needs. Obviously, sheís been trying to get out for many years.
What would it be like for you to drop the people-pleasing attitude? Is it really YOU, or is someone else tucked in there? Trust me, I had no idea that this was happening. Quite unexpected. Letís consider it a gift!!!