Skinny Daily Post


Thereís a church at the end of my street, and it always has some sort of message on the signboard out front. This weekís is Love Your Neighbor As You Love Yourself. Most religions have something similar, a tenet that recognizes that we are all connected and worthy of respect and kindness.

Iíve always had issues with this because Iíve always treated others with more respect and kindness than Iíve given myself. If I viewed my neighbor the way I viewed myself, things would DEFINITELY get ugly. But at one point, I decided to treat myself with at least the respect Iíd give a stranger. Itís a good thing no one could hear me think! Iíd ask myself things like: what would you say to so-and-so if she had this issue? You wouldnít tell her to just stop being so stupid, would you?í

The switch wasnít easy. Isnít easy. And now that itís the season for reflection, itís on my mind again.

I once told a wise person that I could no longer generate the self-hate I needed to lose the weight. I was too tired. The response; something like: Ďif you really loved yourself youíd lose the weight.í And that itís better to take this journey with self-love. So my focus for this season is not on using food deprivation as a focus. That would be silly. Itís on this internal journey to appreciate the gift of myself, and to be in touch with my human-ness, and accepting of myself at least as I accept others.

Havenít quite figured out the path for this one. One goal is to find a tai chi class to get a sense of inner balance. Another one is to become comfortable with feeling angry, sad, upset, with the stress in my life and not to sedate with food. And a third one might be taking my emotional temperature on a regular basis, asking Ďwhat do I feel right now, what do I want right now, what do I need right now to maintain my balance?í my goodness, this is shaping up to be a busy Lent!

I know Iím not alone in this lack of self-love. Itís a common theme among all the people with weight issues Iíve ever met, regardless of their actual size. You can put your hands down now; I know you had them up!

5 thoughts on “Philosophy time!

  1. Priscilla says:

    Jane, I enjoyed this essay. It hit home with me in so many ways. I just recently realized I need to start giving myself the same respect I try to give to others. In fact, there have been recent difficult situations that have come up for me, probably because of the lack of respect I show for myself. Self-respect, self-love, love and compassion all themes I intend to incorporate into my daily life.

    I have just recently discovered this site and look forward to the writings everyday! Thank you all so much for the sharing of your thoughts and yourselves. I’m truly grateful!

  2. Kathy Schippert says:

    I am responing to the confirmation e-mail about gettting your newsletter. I guess this is where you want me to do it.
    Thank you

  3. emily says:

    Hi my name is emily and i have been recommended by a friend to speak to yous and i am really pleased that she had told my about you’s. I have been told by my doctor that i have sydrom X(too much insulin in my body) and that is why I can’t lose weight. Now I am just starting the new GI FOODS and i will admit it is not fun at present, but i don’t want to be getting anymore sicker from previous times. I just wish that there was alot more information for people that have to stay on GI FOODS (like a special section at a supermarkert store) that we can all go to, but who knows only time will tell.

  4. h says:

    I know that self-hate and lack of self-respect are common themes among those who struggle with their weight and health. For me it’s the opposite problem: I love myself! I think I deserve that cookie, deserve to sleep in, have earned this night out drinking. A self-fulfilling, hedonistic lifestyle led to weight problems (and a misunderstanding of the importance of energy-in/energy-out). To me, even now while maintaining my 50 pound weight loss, every cookie I give up feels like deprivation. I know that in the long run it’s the right decision, and I do it, but being good to me NOW is remains so much more appealing than being good to me for the long haul.

  5. Cecelia says:

    Hi Jane,
    I love this column. Now that there are three writers, it been even more of a treat. I enjoyed reading the articles from three different perspectives. Now on to today’s article. I like your option two. My belief is that we have to learn how to control our feelings and not use food as a crutch. It is okay to be hurt, angry, mad, etc. However, food is not the answer. Why because, after you have finished you almost always feel worse than you did before. And that is why, you are indeed not alone in the lack of self love.

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