Skinny Daily Post

Invincible.

Over the past three months, I have gradually whittled my weight down, ounce by ounce, losing a total of four pounds on my journey back to my healthy goal. This morning, however, I went to my weight support group and found that I had actually gained all four pounds back. Man, was that a bummer.

Last week I was feeling sick, and so I spent a lot of the week ‘medicating’ myself with food. My work-stress level was also through the roof, which sent me even deeper into the junk food bin. I was also slightly less active than usual, due to a tighter-than-normal schedule.

My first thought as I left the meeting was to drive straight to the closest coffee bar and drown myself in refined-carb pastry! It was a decision borne of anger, frustration, desperation and resignation. As I walked through the parking lot, however, I was saved.

Sitting outside was a member from my meeting. I noticed she had left early and in a hurry and I thought she seemed late for an appointment. But she was there alone, quietly sipping a cup of coffee. Interestingly, I’ve observed her distantly for about a year now, and she appears to be exactly the same weight (fairly heavy). She appears a little frustrated and somewhat bored with the whole group thing.

Seeing her made me literally stop in my tracks. I suddenly realized that I had a choice. I could do what she is doing and pretty much give up, or I could make my own decision to stay in the game. I walked into the coffee shop and stared into the pastry case, and suddenly those brightly colored, sugary, glucose-spiking treats seemed to lose much of their allure. I ordered a black coffee and left.

I’ve made a list of things to do this week – eat two pieces of fruit every day; sit while eating; concentrate on what it feels like to be comfortable before, during and after every meal; forgive myself. Oh, and go back to get weighed next week.

9 thoughts on “Back on track

  1. sharon says:

    Good and timely post for me. I am there with you and in addition am still still 19 pounds from goal. If I quit I know that it will all come back and the only way out is to persist.

  2. Richard says:

    Jonathan,
    Thank you for the many important reminders in your piece. I too am struggling with those 5 extra pounds. I must go to a meeting a week. I must weigh and remain conscious of the number. It is the easiest thing in the world to grab a goodie instead of finding a wholesome piece of fruit or other healthy snack. It is sometimes disheartening to feel stuck in a seemingly never-endng plateau.
    Inspiration and renewed motivation from other over eaters more often than not is my greatest asset it this lifelong journey.
    Thank you.
    Richard

  3. Florence says:

    Oh Jonathan, timing is everything. I’ve been struggling for the last couple of weeks- going up, going down -and didn’t know how to stop it. But this hit home. It’s all my choice. Those 3 pieces of chocolate covered macadamia nut every afternoon were not forced down my throat. Thanks for the reminder….

    Aloha,
    Florence

  4. Dawn says:

    This was a wonderful piece that reflects my state right now exactly! I have been making very poor choices lately and the scale has been bouncing every week. Thank you for the timely words.

  5. stretchy says:

    Thanks for this post, Jonathan ! I was addicted to my scale– but then my doctor’s scale weighed me a full 9 lbs heavier! eek, yet my clothes were fitting me very well. I had been doing serious resistance training…so maybe some weight gain is Muscle, and I weighed in at the doctors at 1pm, after drinking water for 5-6 hours (since I was told to fast for certain tests. )

    I wonder if …we worry about every mouthful, do we eat guilt along with our food?

    I enjoy all the posts, Thanks J, J and JJ for the wonderful essays.After dinner last night Jonathon made me put down a bag of pretzels and grab a water, some vitamins, and a fortified soy milk instead. I busied myself with these things until the craving passed.

  6. Robin says:

    I’m glad for you…that’s always such an accomplishment. I think because of that I’m going to jump on the treadmill again for another 15 minutes today.

    http://onlyonebody.blogspot.com

  7. Sharon says:

    Dear Jonathan:

    Your essays always motivate me.

    Thank you,

    Sharon

  8. Rachel says:

    It’s nice that you had a moment of clarity and were able to refocus yourself, but a shame that you did so by running down this woman that you know so little about.

    Has she really given up? You lost 4 lbs in 3 months, an achievement, but one that is unlikely to have brought a visible change in your body shape. Maybe you look like a frustrated quitter from the outside.

  9. Kelly says:

    Not to jump on the bad Jonathan bandwagon, because it is great that you found some insight…but in reading this post, I actually thought, “that’s great, she was sipping a cup of coffee, and she’s maintained her weight for the past year.” Rather than bingeing on junk food and gaining. I only realized that you think she has given up by your direct observation. I think that even though she left the meeting, she still showed up in the first place. Everyone has bad days, yourself included, and it sounds like this was her way of coping. Pretty innocuous if you ask me. Maybe the best thing you can do is reach out to her and just ask if everything is OK. It’s supposed to be a support group, not a judge group, right?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: