Letís be honest here. If, over the years, Iíd been able to take care of myself, I probably would not have ended up at 500 pounds. So, as this journey continues, Iíve realized that figuring this out is the essential part of maintaining the loss. This covers a huge amount of ground, from keeping up the exercise to eating on schedule, not eating emotions, and many many more.
But thereís been an epiphany this week [and itís only TUESDAY]!!! Itís something weíve discussed before, but I think I can honestly say that this is the first time Iíve actually practiced it with care and thought.
That is: baby steps – those teeny tiny changes in behavior that add up to major changes. Iíve officially gained 10 pounds over what I consider my Ďnaturalí weight [not the weight I really want, but the weight that my body seems to want]. And I know the reasons for this. Too much fun with chocolate, too much snacking.
So this week, Iíve focused on reducing the chocolate, and being mindful in general of Ďtreatsí in the form of sugar plus fat plus carbs [covers a lot of territory, doesnít it?]. Theres been no name-calling when Iíve fallen off strategy, and the Ďguiltí card hasnít been played. And, perhaps most important, that little voice has been saying Ďyou can have that if you really want it, but do you REALLY want it?í
Itís been an extremely stressful couple of weeks, the kind that usually flip that Ďfoodí switch in me. Iím not perfect, and Iím living with a whole pile of discomfort, but Iíve been making tiny steps, with some success. Like two pounds worth! Itís almost as if Iím sometimes telling myself that Iíll skip the food right now because I can handle this emotion without it. But Iím also giving myself permission to give into the urge on occasion, much like a smoker whoís using nicotine replacement to gradually stop smoking.
Itís a journey. On the one hand, Iím annoyed with myself for having gained this, but on the other, Iím extremely proud of myself for these tiny changes this week. Itís showing me that I can handle this, that I can relearn to do the right thing, and that given a chance, the Ďright thingí will show itself.