Skinny Daily Post

Invincible.

An interesting news item today, that being in love translates into extra pounds for women. they gave a number of reasons, but the one that caught my eye was the warning about matching your mate mouthful for mouthful. In general, men can eat more calories than women without gaining weight, so we women donít have as much leeway.

But that sparked other thoughts. How many of us sit down to dinner with family or friends, and feel uncomfortable if we finish our meals before they do? How often do we go after the appetizer and the bread simply because theyíre there and weíre together and itís a sharing kind of moment? Or perhaps thereís even a bit of competition to make sure that we get our fair share, whatever that might be.

On the other hand, whatís more romantic than sharing a decadent dessert while snuggling in a romantic restaurant or in front of the fireplace? And those lovingly prepared, special meals designed for romance and more. Whatís a person to do?

Let me first say that itís been a long time since Iíve been in love [are the matchmakers among you paying attention???]. But still, it might go back to a combination of mindful eating, and separating emotions from food. In theory, at least, mealtimes with those we love can be a time to share thoughts, catch up on the day, relax. Itís not about competition. If it is, maybe thereís something else going on in the relationship that food canít fix. Letís be honest. Food canít fix ANY relationship.

Those of us whoíve had the weight loss surgery generally finish our meals first, because theyíre small. Then what? What do we do while everyone else is eating? Itís a problem. We canít sit there and pick – going back for more is a sure way to out-eat the surgery. The general strategy is to enjoy everyoneís company, and communicate.

So, why do women in love tend to gain weight? Lots of reasons, of course, but perhaps all the lessons weíve learned about mindful eating and being comfortable while other people are eating can help. But this doesnít address any of that romance and food link. Everyone needs more romance. Perhaps the challenge is one that we face in so many other aspects of our lives: separate the food and the emotion. Separate romance from food. Sigh.

6 thoughts on “Love and Weight Gain

  1. Kery says:

    “Eating as much as the boyfriend”: uh-huh… Been there, done that. The worst part in this is that it’s not even consciously that I tend to do that. Sure a nasty trap that doesn’t get recognized at first…

  2. JB says:

    This made me laugh, because when I first fell in love, I lost weight. More long walks, less appetite. But then… my husband loves to share his food. “Have a bite of this. Have a cookie. Have a cupcake, you’ll love this.” He’s not trying to sabotage, he just wants me to have some of what he’s enjoying so much, and if I say no, he gets this anxious look on his face and says, “But it’s good! You’ll like it!” It’s only in recent months that I’ve been able to learn to say, “No, really, I’ve had plenty,” or “I’ll have some later,” or, “I love you for offering, but I don’t need that now.”

    Ah, love… ūüôā

    JB

  3. stretchy says:

    *Being in love sometimes makes your man buy you a special treat when he is at the grocery store…and you are faced with what to do/say about that super fudge chunk ….
    *Being in love sometimes makes your man cook you a fancy dinner and go overboard with the portions.
    *Being in love sometimes means sharing popcorn during a movie, watching your man shovel in handfuls before the film even begins while you eat it one-kernal-at a time, mindfully! But even a few cups of that salty sludgy stuff … you can’t wait til it is gone so you can hold hands, etc…
    *Being in love sometimes makes your man so proud of how hot you look in those little jeans, & yet he is always offering you food! That is the sabotage–wanting to nurture you with food and wanting you to stay fit & trim at the same time.
    *Being in love sometimes means your man “gets it” and showers you with gifts on Valentine’s day (when I get a bauble, my favorite perfume & a simple bouquet all at once, I sure don’t miss the chocolates!–not at all) Val’s day can be treacherous, though!
    *Being in love sometimes means you have to talk about these things way before you go to the film or celebrate an occasion. It may seem unromantic to discuss this stuff, but once these things are “cleared up” things have a stronger romantic feel. If your man is aware & really understands, he WILL do what it takes.

    Of course there are passive aggressive men out there. My friend’s (macho) husband recently told her she “sucks the fun out of going out to eat” because she cheerfully refuses fast foods and a second slice of pizza. This same guy loudly notices every pound she gains, every imagined bit of cellulite. He actually tries to make her feel bad so he can then accuse her of being whiney.
    He is so lucky to be with her, as she adores him. (I can barely tolerate him)
    Maybe an extreme example? Maybe not.
    I think Being in Love means you really have to COMMUNICATE what you need. It isn’t unromantic to do so, it’s smart and a time saver. People in love DO want to please each other.

  4. Kelly says:

    I’m taller and as muscular as my boyfriend, so I think I can eat the same as he does. I’m actually often impressed by his portion control and ability to listen to his body. Being with him has made it easier for me to build healthy habits because he doesn’t binge, at all. I actually find it easier to diet and exercise when I’m in a secure relationship (not in the first couple months) because I feel better about myself and I have someone else supporting my efforts.

    One difficult thing for me..I am a very slow eater (I trained myself to be that way) and my boyfriend and his family all eat very fast (though none are overweight really), so when I eat over there I am the last person done by like 15 minutes. It’s definitely awkward but at this point, we all just laugh about it.

  5. Amy says:

    For me it wasn’t being in love it was being with a boyfriend who was skinny all his life, had a fast metabolism, and had to eat on a regular basis and bring me with him. I tried to be “normal” in food situations because he had no clue what it was like to struggle with weight all your life like I have. We had to celebrate every birthday and anniversary in both our families and of course that would include a big meal and dessert. When we traveled together, he would get hungry and I wouldn’t and would have prefered a piece of fruit or a cup of yogurt but he wanted a full meal. We attended many sports events and ate the foods offered at the arenas and stadiums. I tried to choose wisely, but that was not alway possible. That is how the weight crept up on me. Not a lot -10 to 12 lbs but for me, it might as well be 50 lbs.
    Being over 40 doesn’t make it any easier and now, 2 years after our relationship is over, I still have the extra pounds to struggle with. Anybody know any helpful hints for weightloss after 40?
    I’d love them more than a new boyfriend! ūüėČ

  6. e-bow says:

    I love this site.

    A friend of mine calls this phenomenon “fat and happy” — the mindset you get into when you’re securely in love, where you have someone who loves you for who you are, and you eat together and cook together and go out to dinner together, and the weight just catches up to you. Maybe you don’t feel like you’re “on the market” anymore, maybe you’re just enjoying yourself, but either way I have been struggling with this since I got married (four months ago) and would love to arrest it before five pounds turns into 50.

    We joined a gym together, and we’re buying lots of fruit and vegetables to combat the “You wanna get a pizza?” Wish us luck.

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