Skinny Daily Post

Invincible.

A couple of weeks ago, I had a serious confrontation with a family member. The issue isnít important. But what shocked me was that immediately afterwards, I felt as if I gained 150 pounds in 10 minutes! There was a strong feeling around my midsection [the core!] of EXPANSION, before my very eyes! And it didnít help that I was wearing shorts that fit when I weighed 500 pounds.

Fortunately, there was some part of my brain that took a dispassionate, realistic view of the situation. It told me to go put on those jeans that you wore a couple of days ago Ė the ones you can take on and off without unfastening. That little voice had to repeat this message several times, Iím sorry to say.

The jeans went on perfectly, without any unfastening. And then the voice continued, telling me to put on a shirt that fits, for heavens sake, and take off the one thatís three sizes too big! I obeyed a little faster.

When I finished, finally wearing clothes that fit, I stood in front of the mirror and looked. But more importantly, I looked down, and could still see my feet!

Reality finally sunk in! Arenít we glad that I didnít turn this into a binge????

Several important lessons came out of this. First, anger alone doesnít make me fat, nor does standing up for myself and speaking my mind. EATING in response to the anger in an effort to soothe or distract, or to swallow the emotion will make me fat.

Second, reality isnít always a bad thing.

Third, the negative emotion will pass, whether or not I eat. Perhaps this is the biggest lesson. Eating doesnít fix a bad situation, nor does it make the emotion pass any faster. In fact, by not acknowledging what Iím feeling, the emotions actually stay around longer!

Fourth, the core Ė at least for me Ė really does carry a whole pile of emotion.

These lessons are important. And now the real challenge, to figure out how to use them, and to build on them. Iíll keep you posted.

8 thoughts on “Some CORE Lessons

  1. Mary Jean says:

    Jane, dear, get rid of those awful shorts!! You deserve to wear comfortable cloths that fit not “fat clothes”.

  2. jonquil says:

    Good for you, Jane. You stood up for yourself. You have a right to be angry when people are pushing you around– nothing negative there at all.

    Anger has a lot of energy to it– sometimes it can inspire you, change you, sometimes it can change the world. We need to be able to get angry, and then do something constructive with it. As you have done.

  3. Beverly says:

    Good grief Jiff, quit wearing those old clothes! You are NOT that 500 lb. woman anymore, you do not need them for a security blanket! I know it’s hard, I still have some of my old stuff too, I even use one of my old 4x shirts as a nightgown now, but you’ve got to quit wearing this stuff out in public. I promise you will not find yourself 150 lbs. bigger in 10 minutes, or 10 years for that matter. You are past that now. You are in this thing for the long haul and I am confident that you will never get back to that point again. Believe in yourself sweetie, you are stronger than you even know.

    Beverly

  4. ToyiaStevenson says:

    I used to 240 pds.4yrs.ago and through that,and prayer Power Yoga.I gained strength to stand up to abusive negative people and distance myself,also sometimes people around you can get uneasy with the new changes you’ve made,I had to stay open to meeting new people,just remember when door closes another open,billy blanks tae-bohelps me through frustration depression.

  5. Connie Lane says:

    Hi Jane:

    Good for you for choosing to react in a positive way (rather than eating) in an attempt to deal with negative emotions. I’ve been overly stressed this past month due to health issues of a family member. Iíve been unconsciously eating as a means of soothing myself. And guess what – it’s not working, yet I’ve gained weight and feel terrible about my lack of control. Emotional eating is a real struggle for me.

    Connie

  6. dana says:

    I’m struggling with changing my binging behavior when I have difficult emotions, and your posting just gave me a new mantra! “The negative emotion will pass, whether or not I eat.” What a nice way to reassure myself when i get the urge to binge so I can chase away anxiety, loneliness, or depression. Thank you for your message–it struck me in a timely and important way!

  7. stretchy says:

    Jane,

    There are people who know exactly how to push our buttons, and once we figure out how to just shrug and walk away from them….we totally freak them out…. they can’t believe we refuse to play the game !

    that said, once we are alone, we still may feel a lot of pain from being used/abused/misunderstood/undervalued….whatever it is.

    What you eat cannot purify your mind, you have to BE your choice. (The Dalai Lama)

    You WERE your choice. You KNEW the WAY and you WALKED it.
    GOOD for you.

    and isn’t it weird how we can FEEL 50 lbs heavier just by feeling bad over something someone said?

    stretchy

  8. carol says:

    One of the issues that’s central to me as I move slowly but steadily towards my weight loss and fitness goals, is that my previous mode of dealing with conflict was to *under*-react, using a binge at a later time to manage my feelings of anger and sadness.

    Not much new there, for many of us. But in approaching conflicts now, my guess is that my highly-charged emotional state is not only related to today’s issue (whatever it may be) but is also related to the freight of unresolved emotions from similar conflicts in the past that a binge didn’t (and couldn’t) fix.

    Often, I feel as if I’m ready to over-react these days. Strongly. I’m making an effort to take a step back and think before I respond, and listen, really listen, to what it is I need out of the situation. Do I need to make a boundary issue clear? Do I need to be heard? Need I take any action at all? Might I be having a rough day and need some self-care (a nap, a good book, a cup of tea, a bath) to put things back in perspective?

    I’ve digressed, but I wanted to tell you how hopeful it’s made me feel that you were able to navigate this challenge without food. I feel honored that you’re sharing your journey with us.

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