Compared to a lot of people I know, I lead a fairly quiet and predictable life. So its hard for me to embrace the fact that change is not only inevitable for every person, its also desirable. But in my heart I know its true. I also have to acknowledge that Iím scared by change and Iím uncomfortable with the unknown Ė even when its Ďgoodí change.
This week I gave notice at work because, at long last, Iíve found an opportunity for career advancement that is a much better fit with my skills and my goals. There are so many wonderful things about this Ė itís a more secure job, itís at a higher level, it offers many more opportunities for growth and, perhaps best of all, I am going to be able to walk there from home! No more white-knuckling it in rush hour traffic twice a day.
So am I happy? Well. Iím actually kind of nervous. Will I find the job interesting? Will I get along with my coworkers? Will I have what it takes to be a success?
Its funny, because when they called with the job offer, my first reaction was that I wanted to eat something. When I gave notice it was the same. And now that Iím in the process of clearing off my desk and preparing things for my successor, Iím thinking about food virtually non-stop.
After all, food can be fun, it can be pleasing, it can be comforting, exciting, soothing Ö you name it. So when Iím faced with change and with anxiety, or even when Iím filled with anticipation, food calls out my name. So far, Iíve been careful about this. In my food journal this past week or so, Iíve taken to making a notation next to my entries if I was eating particularly for emotional reasons. No judgements. Just data.
I find it interesting that what Iím craving is mostly about crunchiness and about volume. A piece of chocolate doesnít work. A bag of popcorn does. Yogurt doesnít help. Steamed veggies do. While we canít Ďcureí our emotions with food, its useful to know that some foods have more satisfying qualities at certain times.
So, over the next three weeks, Iím just going to hold tight, and keep journalling, exercising, and staying in dialogue with others.
Some things never change!