I was in line at the ‘upscale’ grocer (Molly Stone’s) tonight buying some fresh veggies (and those lite Western Bagels) when I noticed the person after me was purchasing an amazing-looking chocolate cake, piled high with chocolate shavings. I turned to the checker, smiling, pointed to the cake and joked ‘Oh, and I’ll have three of THOSE!’
The checker looked at me and said ruefully, ‘Yeah, I can tell you are one of those thin people that could eat that and never gain a pound!’ I laughed and said something about having to watch my weight like everyone else.
And I walked out of there on air. Considering my crummy week of poor food choices, how amazing that a perfect stranger could look at me, and make such a flattering comment that would make me see things in a totally different light.
Its so easy for me to be hard on myself, to remember the unfortunate choices I’ve made, the opportunities I missed, the miles I didn’t run, the strategies I didn’t use. I know its only human nature, but I need to remind myself that its too easy and a cop-out to just say ‘I’m no good at this.’
To be honest, what set me off this week was the fact that I finally got some very expensive trousers that I had ordered on line. (Since I became thin, I’ve discovered that I’m too small to buy off-the-rack clothes, and since I like to dress nicely, I’m challenged to find quality clothes that look right on my frame.) I eagerly tried them on, only to discover that they were far, far too small. Sure, sizes vary, but I buy from this company all the time and I just wasn’t expecting that.
At the gym, I seemed to look the same, and the rest of my same-clothing-sized trousers all felt comfortable and loose. But all week I’ve thought about those silly too-tight trousers and wondered if I had just lost my way.
The fact is, I can NOT eat three chocolate cakes without gaining weight. But it took an anonymous checker making that offhand remark to remind me that its all about perspective. What I CAN do is treat myself more kindly, accept that I have the power and ability to eat well and be satisfied, and all things considered, I’m ‘making it’ a lot more often than I’m ‘faking it.’
Oh yeah, and I’m returning those pants.