Skinny Daily Post

Invincible.

Weight management takes work. Whether you’re losing or maintaining, working on losing a lot or a little [or, as alien as it may sound to most of us, trying to gain some weight!], we all need to pay attention to food and exercise.

Forever.

There are lots of ways to motivate this undertaking. Some do it strictly for health, and others for looks. Some do it almost out of habit [we all know people who are constantly on a diet and define themselves by their current diet], and others are new. There’s also self-love, self-hate, anger, frustration. Pick and choose in various amounts, and add your own motivation.

Maybe it’s my old age, but I’m getting tired of considering it a battle. Years ago, I told someone that I wasn’t dieting at that moment because I just couldn’t generate the self-hate I needed. The response: why not do it out of self-love? A foreign concept at that time.

But now that I’m so old, it’s time, I think, to view this not as a battle, but as part of accepting myself with love and kindness. It’s not a new theme around here, but as I look over my life, I’m tired of fighting. Fighting traffic, lines in the store, utility companies, dust, work-related issues, finances, banks, bills, etc, etc etc, takes a lot out of a person.

And, most important, I’m tired of fighting with myself. I want to rest, perhaps in an always-warm bubble bath. I want to be at peace with myself. So, maybe, switching from this ‘fighting the battle’ analogy to ‘luxuriating in the love and care’ I can provide myself will help.

It’s going to take some time for me to do such a major mind-switch, but ‘fighting a battle’ leads to, well, battle fatigue. It’s not sustainable.

By the way, the fact that I just finished a very nice lunch [a reasonable chef salad with LC dressing] might have something to do with this self-love post. I’m comfortably full, and it tasted very good. It’s probably easier to think about self-love from this comfortable position, rather than when brimming over with stress and confronted with a plate of cookies or a bowl of chips. But a person has to start somewhere.

This seems to be as good a place as any!

13 thoughts on “Ending the battle

  1. Laura says:

    Oh my gosh I could not have said this any better as this is EXACTLY where I am (except I am at the top of the scale). I have fought my body and diets like a war all my life. In the beginning I could lose, then eventually I had a hard time losing but could keep it the same for years at a time, then the yo-yo dieting increased (each time I said once I lost it that would be IT).

    Needless to say a lot of life experiences happened inbetween; the death of loved ones, being a primary caregiver, a divorce and starting over again (financially and otherwise) at age 40, a rebellious teenager, yada yada yada, but still trying to count and measure and weigh and figure out which dieth method was right; no fat? No carbs? Too much exercise? Not enough calories? Too many calories?

    Now here I am completely worn out, at my highest weight EVER, and the thought of going on yet another diet makes me want to run screaming in the other direction. I hate myself in this area enough for 5 lifetimes. I just want to get some peace and quit fighting myself. Maybe I can do it out of self love instead. But that seems awfully foreign in this part of my life.

    However, I am having stir fry veggies with lite tofu and brown rice for dinner. I did start volunteering twice a week in the hospital and I am walking MILES more per week. My weight has not budged one bit, nor have my clothes, I’m still scarily tired, but I’m trying. I’m ever trying.

    Sorry for the rant. Just want to figure it out.

  2. Cindy says:

    Oh, how I WISH I could look at it like that! But to me, it is still a battle—one of the hardest battles I’ve ever fought. It is a struggle, even after just more than a year of moderate success, where I have lost 110 pounds. I have another 40-50 to lose, but that doesn’t scare me half as much as being “done.” When I get to my target weight, then my real worries will begin. How on earth will I ever maintain this…when all the odds are against me? Especially because there has been no magic shift in my thinking or my desire to overeat. It is just as hard today as it was a year ago—I’ve just had more practice doing it. But what happens when I don’t have any more to lose? What will keep me on target then? What will be my motivation? Will I like myself any better? So, yes, it is still very much a battle for me. My opponent is myself.

  3. mayyes1 says:

    My probelm is im over weight due to medicale reason but my doc, says i have to lose wht, im 278 now and the thing is ,i go too to three days with out eatting any food at all , i do drink coffee 4pots aday , lose anyweight .my thiroild is a problem , and im dietbetic now , I hate to eat 3times aday . i never seen to have the time to eat sit down . but on those days i do eat i can eat alot 1bag of chips or 2piese of ckicken and veggy.
    I ve been searching for 30 day menue but havenot found one . I decided that im going to cook a dinner every 2days but what how do i come up with a meal plain on 40.oo a week . can u help me please I want to change the way im am 47 health probs weight.

  4. vickie says:

    Laura.. You described my life only Ive been having this “battle” since my mother put me on diet pills at the age of 11.I just had my 55th birthday and have spent every waking day On or off a diet. After programs, measured foods, therapists, meds and doctors Im now the highest weight ever.It might be pessimistic but I know it will be a battle until the day I die. I hate myself at this weight.NO way I could have self love looking like this. ahhhhhh!!!

  5. Kathy says:

    How old are you? Have you spent too many years with this battle? I feel I have. What could I have done with all the energy I put into this stupid idea of perfection and appearance?

  6. rebecca says:

    I have lost about 30 pounds and have about 12 more to go. I know this will have to be work for the rest of my life. I have set fitness goals like small triathlons and runs so that helps a lot

  7. Skibbers says:

    Jane and Laura, I’m with you both. I have been working out consistently now for about eight months, and my weight hasn’t budged. However, my blood pressure is great, my pulse is low, I’m flexible and able to walk up hills without panting. In other words, my “insides” seem to have benefitted greatly. I’m trying to remind myself that the outward changes will come in time and they are not the only ones that count. I’m so used to viewing the success or failure of any regime by the number of “you look great!” comments that I recieve from others. We need to treat ourselves with kindness and love, always. Thanks for the reminders.

  8. stretchy says:

    Part of loving myself is enjoying peanut butter on an apple, or on celery instead of bread. Little things like this, add up, and I find myself “triple satisfied” …I got the peanut butter, I got extra fiber & nutrition, and I showed myself that I care about myself.

  9. Quicksilver says:

    Amen, Jane. I hate thinking about weight loss as a battle. Who is the enemy? Your body? You’re living in your enemy. Food? You have to put your enemy into your body to survive. Your cravings? You have an enemy in your brain!

    I had a great click moment a few months ago. I had starting journaling and eating more healthfully for a few months, but I hadn’t been on a scale, and it didn’t seem like I was losing any weight. I was obviously discouraged and upset, BUT. I didn’t think, “well, I might as well eat whatever I want now, because this stupid diet isn’t working.” I know that I enjoy living a healthy lifestyle, and whether I was losing weight or not, eating an entire salami wasn’t going to get me to me goals or make me feel any better.

    I continued to journal and eat well, and guess what? A few weeks after that, I tried on a pair of pants and realized that I’d lost **20 pounds**. A very nice set-off to all the other times in my life when I realized I’d GAINED that much without noticing. I believe that I’m finally at the point where I prefer eating healthfully and exercising, rather than a burden I must carry. Keeping my fingers crossed….

  10. kristi says:

    Thank you Jane for putting the spotlight on doing this because we love ourselves rather than “I want to LOOK better” I, like Vickie, had been dieting since 11 on the urging of my mother and continued to yo yo my entire life. Through journaling I was able to see I never truly loved myself and worried continually about others exceptance of me, no matter what my size. 2 yrs ago I gave up “dieting”. I realized all the focus on weight control was just a bandage for something that was truly broken inside. I journaled (a lot), forced myself to go through life situations as a heavy person ie. beach etc, read your blog, the Bible, and reached out to friends. I now love who I am and the skin I’m in and know those around me love me for what’s inside my skin. I’ve forgiven my mother for the journey she started me on. She thought being thin would make my life easier. She didn’t know how to help me. She made the classic mistakes. She didn’t know she was sending the “you’re unlovable the way you are message”. I continue to journal, I’m back to walking and making healthy choices with no deprivation. I’ve lost a modest 10# over the past 7 months, because I’ve learned to love me and let go of the rest.
    Thanks for being here.

  11. kat says:

    Wow..this post and the others on the board is my life. I swear every time that I start a diet it will be my last. Its definately an obession for me…and I hate it. I have to lose some weight for health, but I am beginning to wonder if the losing will only come if I quit focusing on calorie counting, point counting, carb counting (you get the picture) and start looking at me…my hunger, my life, my lack of activity. Just eat healthy, move and be done with it. I do love myself, and enough to give up dieting. I may find a life outside of diets. With care, Kat

  12. Cathy says:

    I lost 23 lbs. on WW and it took me 20 months to do it. At first I was ashamed it took me “that long”, compared to others who lose 20 lbs. in 3 months but…I realize it took me that long to figure out a diet is what you EAT, this is a LIVE-IT plan in that even though I am now in maintenance mode, caring for myself will never stop. For the rest of my life I am going to care enough to “yo-yo” with maximum 5 lbs. instead of 20! And if I have to monitor every bite that goes into my mouth, if I have to make time for exercise every week, whatever I have to do in order to maintain my weight, I am worth it and I’m going to spend the energy to do it. Because it IS about loving and caring for yourself, without feeling conceited or guilty about it, and without caring what others think. It’s about health, not appearance. After all, everyone else is too concerned about their own problems to spend much brain power on you. We can all do this!

  13. Deirdre says:

    Cindy;

    110 pounds is not moderate success. 110 pounds is spectacular success. Stand up and take a bow.

    Deirdre-clapping wildly

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